Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
