Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
