community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
