i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Randomize
