ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
