god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
