how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
