She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
