I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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