6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
