he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
