Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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