omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
