One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
