my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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