This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
