I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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