I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
