Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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