I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
