There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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