Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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