i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
