If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
