shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
