Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
