i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
