i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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