Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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