i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
