this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
