Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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