turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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