I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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