when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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