I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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