We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
