just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
