Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
