it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Farmville is her only friend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
