Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
