dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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