Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
