I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
