How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
