I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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