i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
