Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
