It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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