Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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