Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
