We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I need to stop coming to work sober
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
