I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
