I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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