Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
