why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
